If you’re reading this, you’re likely struggling with your own people pleasing - and you’re curious where and how this started. Am I right? I too have googled ‘why am I this way?’, searching for answers as to where these tendencies within myself came from and if I can heal them.

Well, the good news is - healing is possible. And sometimes with just a bit of knowledge we can overcome longstanding and deep-rooted patterns.

Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can and often does deeply influence a person's behavior and psychological well-being. The experience of having a parent who is emotionally distant, unresponsive, or unable to meet one's emotional needs can have profound effects that extend well into adulthood. In this blog post, we will explore the dynamics of growing up with emotionally unavailable parents and how they contribute to people-pleasing behaviors.

Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Parents

Emotionally unavailable parents are individuals who struggle to connect with their children on an emotional level. They may be physically present but emotionally distant, preoccupied with their own concerns, or unable to provide the nurturing and support that children need to thrive. Emotionally unavailable parents often have difficulty expressing their own emotions and may have unresolved issues from their own past that impact their ability to form healthy attachments with their children.

The Impact on Children

Growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent can have consequences for a child's emotional development and sense of self-worth. Children rely on their parents to provide them with love, validation, and emotional support. When these needs are not met, children may internalize feelings of inadequacy, rejection, or unworthiness.

Contributing Factors to People-Pleasing Behaviors

1. Seeking Validation: Children of emotionally unavailable parents may seek validation and approval from others to compensate for the lack of validation they received from their parents.

2. Fear of Rejection: A fear of rejection or abandonment may develop in children who have experienced emotional unavailability from their parents, leading them to engage in people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict and maintain relationships.

3. Low Self-Esteem: The absence of emotional validation from parents can contribute to low self-esteem in children, who may then seek external validation through people-pleasing behaviors.

4. Role Reversal: In some cases, children of emotionally unavailable parents may take on the role of caregiver or mediator within the family, further reinforcing their people-pleasing tendencies. You may have heard this be referred to as parentification.

5. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Without healthy boundaries modeled by their parents, children of emotionally unavailable parents may struggle to assert their own needs and desires, leading to a pattern of people-pleasing behavior.

Overcoming People-Pleasing Behaviors

Recognizing and addressing people-pleasing behaviors rooted in childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable parents is the first step for personal growth and emotional healing. Therapy, self-reflection, and setting boundaries are valuable ways for individuals seeking to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing to have healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Again, growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can & often does have a profound impact on a person's psychological well-being and interpersonal relationships. By understanding the dynamics of emotional unavailability and its effects on behavior, you can begin the journey toward healing, paving the way for more authentic and fulfilling connections in your life.